I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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