Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
