like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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