Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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