You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
