bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
