I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
