there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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