Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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