Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
