I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
