real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
