My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
