You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..