Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it