I didn't shave. On purpose
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."