We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
