I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.