I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians