I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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