What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
