im drinking this country out of the recession.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
