somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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