I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
