Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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