I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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