You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
