I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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