we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
