You really coming over, don't trick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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