and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize