I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
