If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
