There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
