I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
