is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
