I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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