Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
