Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
