this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
