I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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