So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
