i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My vagina just recognized that song.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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