So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
