you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
