I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
