I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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