haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
