i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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