I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
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I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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