Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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