Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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