I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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