She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
