She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
