When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
