Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
