I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
