get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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