im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
