Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
