i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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