Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
