Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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