I want to have your abortion
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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