It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
