she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
