bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
