Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...