so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
