dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
