You work out of a Hotel?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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