im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
