I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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