i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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