just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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