Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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