no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
