I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Watching her eat just hurts me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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